Hanging On To Hope

    So much time has passed since my last blog post, yet for me time has stood virtually still. Sadly, I had to leave Nathan at Stanford hospital last Sunday. It was torture and pain leaving him there so weak and tired, but there is no easy way to balance taking care of my children and the love of my life at the same time. I would be happy if I had the superpower of duplicity, but I read once "to be everywhere is to be nowhere".  That is me right now; I feel like am nowhere, but just in survival mode for my sweet, dear Nathan and trying to stay strong for him and my kids. The only one who is omnipresent is God, so I take refuge in that fact. He is there with Nathan in his hospital room watching over him and holding him in the palms of his hands. We all miss him right now, but we know he also is in good hands with the medical staff down at Stanford and his dad is also with him to make sure Nathan has an advocate and voice speaking up for his best interests.
    Nathan is still fighting to recuperate from what we thought to be a minor procedure. It seems that his body is so tired and every time progress is made, retreat happens. He had been making great strides on Sunday and Monday with keeping more fluids down and a decrease in nausea, but we had a set back starting on Tuesday when they took away all of his fluids (with the exception of an IV) because the doctors wanted to go in and assess the drain to make sure everything was working properly. They had to take him off of everything taken orally in the event they had to put him completely under. The doctors have also been concerned because his white blood cell count is higher than it should be which could either be a sign of him fighting a bacterial or fungal infection, or just his body recovering from the biliary drain being inserted. The results have been inconclusive. There has been a team of several doctors on the infection control team that have been following this possibility. Right now, the main thing that is hindering Nathan from coming home is the constant nausea that he feels. It seems to be a vicious cycle of getting him rehydrated to combat the nausea, then taking him off of all medications and fluids administered via I.V., him being okay for a short while, and then him getting nauseated again and throwing up several times in a day. It's two steps forward, 1 and 3/4 steps back. Actually, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of explanation as to why he is in this vicious cycle, just speculation. Tonight Nathan's dad, Rich, met with the doctor to explore the possibility of weening him off of the I.V. by keeping him on some I.V. medications and/or fluids, and take things as gradually as possible. There was a meeting of the minds and that is what they plan on doing next; a graduated method of taking him off of the I.V. Nathan has grown weary, but is still fighting hard. Nathan is the strongest, kindest and most patient person I've ever met, but even for him this has been trying on his spirit. I am eternally grateful to his wonderful family and friends who have taken the time to visit and sit or call Nathan. It is absolutely essential that he has daily contact with as many people who love him as possible so his spirits can be lifted. Thank you.
    As today comes to the end, we hold on to the hope that Nathan will get good rest and God will restore his body and make him whole. Please continue to keep all of us in your prayers and thoughts. It is during times like these that we learn who really cares about us. Thank you for caring.