This morning at 630am, Nathan and I arrived at Stanford Medical Center in the ambulatory surgery center. As most of you know and have probably experienced first hand, the process to get checked in and ready for a procedure feels unbearably long and drawn out. After checking in, they took Nathan to the back into a curtained area where they could draw some blood to check for clotting time, hooked him up to an IV for fluids and an antibiotic, discussed what the doctors would do during the procedure, met with several nurses and discussed his current condition, and discussed his options for anesthesia. While all of this was going on, I fielded phone calls and tried to make sure Nathan was as comfortable as possible, gave him as much love as time allowed, and lip synced to corny songs on the television in hopes to make him laugh. I almost got him to laugh. I think Nathan thinks I'm cute. I think he is, too. Back to the topic...what are we doing here today?
Today's visit to Stanford is primarily focused on adding another drainage tube to the other side of his liver and assess their ability to move the drainage tube at a future time to his small intestine. If you remember on my last post, they hope that this will increase the amount of nutrients he will absorb and keep him better hydrated, but apparently that process to move it takes time. The results from the most recent CT scan shows that one side of his liver is not draining an bile at all, so first they are want to decrease his bilirubin levels. This will take more time. I am tired of waiting for everything. Today is one of those days when I just want things to be fast and snappy. Actually, every day is one of those days. Already, he has been in surgery for nearly three hours. The doctor we spoke to this morning said it would take one or two hours. When the doctors give time limits, any amount of time that they go over that allotment allows for my mind to wander and worry. Every time a nurse or doctor comes to the waiting room, my head pops up, whips to the left, and I open my ears for my name. I am tired of waiting and I have a sore neck now. I just wish to be next to my sweetie and hold his hand and tell him everything is okay. Actually, that's a lie. As long as I am making wishes, I may as well go for broke. What I really wish for is that I would close my eyes, open them and to be back at home with the kids and playing outside with Nathan. It's a hot day and maybe we would be playing with squirt guns and water balloons and eating strawberry popsicles in the shade. Maybe we would be sitting in the cool, air conditioned house and would be watching a movie. I just wish I could close my eyes and make this all go away.
Sorry this post has been such a downer. I just really need My Nathan. I need him to be okay and I am tired of waiting for that to happen. It's torture to see his health decline and see new symptoms of the cancer. He gets tired, his temperature fluctuates, he has pain in his stomach which sometimes radiates to his kidneys, and he has decreased mobility. This whole experience has been such a nightmare that won't end and it's becoming very hard at times to remain positive. In the meantime, I'll just keep waiting and closing my eyes and wishing and praying for My Nathan to be better.
Stay strong, hopeful and Positive Melissa! Let Nathan know to keep fighting no matter how badly his body wants to give up. Remind him that you're his bride to be and that you two are growing old together and that he has his kids at home that need him too! It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job at supporting and caring for him. Keep it up. You don't know, me, I'm an old friend of Nathan's, but I pray for Nathan's health and your coping through it all every night. Keep having faith and believing that he is going to get better. *BIG HUGS*
ReplyDeleteMelissa called me about 3pm. The surgery was a success and Nathan was out of recovery and in his hospital room. He now has an additional external drain and bag on the right side. This is really great news as it should allow Nathan to get healthy enough for chemo in a couple of weeks. I talked to Nathan briefly and he said he was tired and he hurt, but he was hanging in there.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your support!
ALRIGHT! PRAISE THE LORD! GO NATE! Way to push through the surgery! Thanks for the update!
ReplyDeleteI hope this offers a little more hope (see message to "Carolina" below). I found this in a forum this 82 year old woman has the exact same cancer as Nate and she survived it:
ReplyDeleteCarolina,
I know this is tough. At this point I am one of the survivors. Last year, I discovered the cancer after going to my doctor with jaundice. I was surprised how fast all of the doctors involved responded. My cancer was inoperable and in stage two. For six weeks I had a combination of radiation and a chemo pump, five days a week. And then another six months of chemo once a week. My next CAT scan is in March.
I will tell you at my age (82 in May) I will not do chemo treatment again. I was one of the lucky ones and did not have any upset stomach during treatment. I lost about twenty pounds. Because the appetite was not and is still not very good.
It sounds like your mom's cancer was not caught soon enough to catch it in the early stages. I know the family has come together to keep an eye on me. And it is good. Just keep the faith.
One quote I always treasure was from one of my supervisors. Years after I worked for him I asked, "why didn't you tell me you cared about me?" He said, "I thought you knew!"
No matter how difficult, keep that in mind.